What Not to Do With an Autistic Child: Common Mistakes to Avoid

Parenting an autistic child requires understanding how autism affects communication, sensory processing, and behavior. Many well-meaning adults make mistakes simply because they lack accurate information.

What not to do with an autistic child includes actions that increase stress, reduce trust, or misunderstand the child’s neurological differences. Research and clinical guidelines emphasize supportive, structured, and respectful approaches instead.

This article explains what not to do with an autistic child, why certain responses can be harmful, and what evidence-based alternatives look like.

1. Do Not Force Eye Contact

One important principle when discussing what not to do with an autistic child is forcing eye contact. Many autistic children experience discomfort when maintaining eye contact. Studies show that eye contact may increase cognitive load and anxiety for some individuals on the spectrum.

Forcing eye contact can:

• Increase stress
• Reduce focus on verbal information
• Create avoidance behaviors

Instead, allow the child to look away while listening.

2. Do Not Punish Sensory Behaviors Without Understanding Them

Sensory behaviors, including rocking, hand-flapping, or covering ears, may serve a regulatory function.

When considering what not to do with an autistic child, avoid punishing self-stimulatory behavior without assessing its purpose. Autism Parenting Magazine highlights that behaviors often communicate sensory needs or emotional regulation attempts. Behavior should be evaluated before intervention.

3. Do Not Assume Behavior Is Defiance

Behavior is communication. A common mistake when identifying what not to do with an autistic child is interpreting meltdown behavior as intentional disobedience.

Meltdowns may result from:

• Sensory overload
• Communication breakdown
• Unexpected change
• Emotional dysregulation

Punishment without understanding triggers may escalate behavior.

4. Do Not Overload With Verbal Instructions

Many autistic children process information differently. Giving long, complex verbal explanations may overwhelm working memory. When discussing what not to do with an autistic child, avoid rapid-fire instructions. Forbrain notes that simplifying language and using visual supports improves understanding. Short, clear directions are more effective.

5. Do Not Compare to Neurotypical Peers

Comparison can increase frustration and reduce self-esteem. Each autistic child develops at a different pace.

When identifying what not to do with an autistic child, avoid statements such as:

• “Other kids can do this.”
• “Why can’t you act normal?”

Developmental progress should be individualized.

6. Do Not Ignore Communication Attempts

Communication may not always be verbal. It can include:

• Gestures
• Visual cues
• Echolalia
• Alternative communication devices

Ignoring these attempts can reduce communication frequency. Understanding what not to do with an autistic child includes recognizing all communication forms.

7. Do Not Remove Predictability Without Preparation

Autistic children often rely on routine. Sudden schedule changes may cause anxiety. Avoiding unexpected transitions without warning is key when discussing what not to do with an autistic child. Visual schedules and transition warnings reduce distress.

8. Do Not Dismiss Special InterestsSpecial interests often support:

• Emotional regulation
• Learning motivation
• Social connection

Discouraging these interests without reason may reduce engagement.

Instead, integrate interests into teaching.

Case Example: Misinterpreted Behavior

Child profile:

• Age 6
• Covers ears in grocery store
• Begins crying and drops to floor

Initial interpretation:

• “Tantrum”

Functional assessment reveals:

• Overhead announcements
• Bright lighting
• Crowded environment

Intervention:

• Noise-reducing headphones
• Shorter trips
• Gradual exposure

Outcome:

• Reduced meltdown frequency

This illustrates the importance of understanding what not to do with an autistic child before reacting.

Case Example: Communication BreakdownChild profile:

• Limited verbal language
• Throws objects when denied request

Assessment reveals:

• Inability to express frustration

Intervention:

• Teach functional communication phrase
• Reinforce appropriate request

Outcome:

• Decrease in throwing behavior

Recognizing communication needs prevents mislabeling behavior.

Evidence-Based Alternatives

Instead of focusing only on what not to do with an autistic child, research supports:

• Functional behavior assessment
• Visual supports
• Reinforcement strategies
• Clear routines
• Emotional regulation teaching

Applied Behavior Analysis is structured around understanding behavior function before intervention.

When to Seek Professional Support

If challenging behaviors:

• Increase in frequency
• Interfere with learning
• Affect family functioning

Professional evaluation can identify triggers and design intervention plans. Early support improves outcomes.

Conclusion

Knowing what not to do with an autistic child helps prevent unnecessary stress and miscommunication. Avoid forcing eye contact, punishing sensory behaviors, overloading instructions, or assuming defiance. Behavior has meaning, and structured support promotes positive outcomes.

At Achieve Behavioral Therapy, our clinicians use evidence-based ABA strategies to assess behavior function and build practical skills. If you are struggling with challenging behaviors or communication concerns, schedule a consultation with Achieve Behavioral Therapy today. Early, structured intervention leads to measurable progress.

FAQs

Sources

• https://reframingautism.org.au/understanding-autistic-differences-in-eye-contact/
• https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/what-not-to-do-autistic-child/
• https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12612249/
• https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/sensory-overload
• https://www.forbrain.com/autism-learning/what-not-to-do-with-an-autistic-child/
• https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/echolalia
• https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6515262/